WHERE DID THREE MONTHS GO?

Wow!  Where did those 90 days go since I last posted?  If ever there was tangible evidence that time really does fly, it would be indicated by my total inability to see those 90 days as anything other than a fast moving blur!  It is now Jan. 15, 2011, and in the Beth Moore study Esther, (which I completed 7 weeks ago) she stated that in order for God to work out our inspired destiny, we need to be totally transparent.  That is my intention this year, to be totally transparent.  Since I last posted, my sweet husband has made a job change.  The position he accepted in Jacksonville was short lived due to the fact that the owner of the company was a bipolar maniac.  I realize those two words are redundant, oh well.  I believe that God used those 6 weeks of time to help my man bid adieu to what used to be the furniture industry.  Interestingly enough, during the time he was employed by the bipolar maniac, a long time friend of his from West Palm Beach offered him a position in So. Fla. The owners are terrific believers that we knew 28 years ago when we lived in So. Fla.  The world is so small, and God is full of surprises!  We are thankful that he has a job, with good people that love the Lord.  The company needs to be turned around based on neglect by previous management, and I hope that the Lord provides that opportunity for all parties involved.  It is not a perfect situation, but it gets my spouse out of the house, where he feels better, than just having time to think about what used to be.  It is very strange for me right now to be a total empty nester, empty even of my husband!  I have never lived by myself, and it is a weird adjustment period.  In terms of transparency, I really have to pray more and eat less, as I am stuffing down sadness and loss, rather than dealing with those feelings in a constructive manner.  Plus, I can feel my stomach getting more flabby and my rear end getting larger with each passing day.  NOT GOOD!  I need to pray for energy and spunk way beyond that normally available to a 52 year old!  I still have a long way to run towards building our cake business, and I need lots of energy to market.  I feel such sadness for my sister who is my business partner, her life has been filled with much pain and suffering.  So I try to cut her some slack because she has so much on her right now trying to wind down her law practice, deal with a disaster of a marriage, and a son with muscular dystrophy.  She indeed carries a heavy load.  Her world collides with mine on a regular basis, and on the spiritual level, I feel that the enemy has sucked me in as well by not honoring Jesus because of the huge distain I feel for her husband.  If it is not peaceful between them, it impacts her mood, then it impacts my mood as well.  That seems very immature, but that is how we humans roll.  Its the dreaded downhill trickle effect.  On a higher note, I got all of the shipping issues situated so that we can throw our net farther than Orlando and ship our beautiful little cakes!  Made some adorable brightly colored little cakes today for a "Dora The Explorer"1st Birthday tomorrow, big fun!   On the issue of overeating,  it is interesting to note that I do not eat our creations because they equal time and money, and that would not be fair to my sister's efforts,  fueling my sugar/carb addiction!  It is fun to see that our baking creations continue to evolve and get prettier all of the time.  I know this sounds really lame, but one of the small joys in my life right now are really good pastry tips!  They easily give the impression that you've got cake decorating game when  you really don't!  It's all about the tools!  Good baking tools rock!  I started back to BSF this week as well as started a new Beth Moore study of Daniel. I so desperately desire the Lord's presence, and yet, something tells me if I would just be quiet and slow down, adopt a meaningful prayer life, I would have a much greater sense of His presence with me right now.  You can bury yourself in bible studies and totally miss relationship with Jesus.  Isn't that ridiculous?  Hate to say it, but feeling kind of baren spiritually, even though I want closeness to the Lord more than anything.  Thankful for sweet friendships, thankful for my precious dog, who is now my trusty Mon thru Fri. companion.  Thankful that no one in my family is sick, thankful that we are in our house and not behind on the payments.  Real estate taxes yes, mortgage payments, no.  Went back to the bankruptcy attorney today.  That is not fun, but most likely necessary.  Wish it was not so, but looking like the reality.  The loss on so many levels in our life made me cry when I was at his office today.  I'm sure it made him uncomfortable, as he is a"just the facts, ma'am" kind of guy, but the sadness was very real for me today.  Not always, but today, grief for both my husband and myself really struck me.  I try not to dwell on that thought, emotional self indulgence is worthless and sinful.    Once again, the burning question, "How did we get to this place of insurmountable debt, when we have always been so responsible and dilligent, reared its ugly head.   It is somewhat surreal to have had excellent credit all of your adult life, to have it all pulled out from under you.  Now we would have a hard time getting new cable turned on if we ever had to move!  Thank God that my husband is staying with his sister and her husband in WPB.  I am glad he has them to come home to.  If one of us has to be by ourselves, I am glad that it is me.  The loneliness is much harder on him.  It is Friday and I am glad that he is home in our bed tonight.  I miss him when he's not home, even though he drove me crazy when he was home unemployed.  Now, I really miss him every day.  God is good, He continues to cobble out a path for us to walk on.  Uncertain, yes.  Weird, yes. But He is there, and we just put one foot in front of the other, at His direction, every day.  Good Night!